The Blog with the To Do List

I drive a newish car. Hermione Hyundai came into my life around 18 months ago. She is a sleek black sporty little number with mag wheels, tinted windows and a rear spoiler. She was my gift to myself when my marriage went pear shaped.

Now Hermione and I have an understanding - she understands that I am a busy working single mum and I understand that she is going to get me where I need to go in a very classy way. She is very good about my lapses in memory - if I leave my lights on and open the car door - she turns them off for me. If I press the wrong little button on the key whatsit - she will alert me to this fact by playing a tune for me with her horn which enables everybody in the immediate vicinity to turn and stare at me whilst muttering under their breaths something about noise pollution.

Lately though something Hermione does is starting to get under my skin.

I am a list maker. I have lists for everything that is going on in my life - sometimes I feel I need a master list - a list to keep track of all the lists. I have refrained from this up to this point as I understand how impossibly sad that makes me look.

What I do NOT require however is Hermione to start reminding me of things I need to do. She constantly reminds me I need to fill up the petrol tank. Now normally this would involve the needle pointing to the E on the fuel gauge. Hermione however is not satisfied that this would be enough encouragement for me. Instead she lights up a little picture of a petrol bowser right on the dash board! Its like my very own electronic To Do List. If I ignore her pretty little picture for long enough she then makes it flash - which I can tell you in peak hour traffic is very very distracting. A little further down the road she will tell me EXACTLY how many more kilometres I can travel before I may need to think about standing in the middle of the road, flashing my legs and hoping some nice young man will give me either petrol or a lift without abducting me. At this point it becomes a battle of wits between us to see who can actually hold out the longest. As the available distance dwindles down she tries to catch my attention audibly. Softly at first but increasing in intensity to arrive at a crescendo of the most horrible beeping sound you could ever wish to hear. This is around the time I throw up my hands (obviously not literally because that would be illegal whilst operating a motor vehicle) and give in to her demands. I never win.

Driving to work this morning I noticed out of the corner of my eye a little light on my electronic To Do List. I glanced down expecting to see verfication that once again I had forgotten to get petrol but what I saw took my breath away.

There on the dash board - right in front of me - was a little picture of a MAN in overalls - with a toolbox. Thats right folks - Hermione Hyundai was reminding me to GET A MAN. Not content with her lack of fuel - she now feels she has the right to comment on my LIFE?????? What will be next - a little picture of a pregnant woman - reminding me that I only have one child and to possibly get a move on as I am approaching 40 next year? A little picture of a liver - in the hope that I will be reminded not to drink so much??? A picture of a dollar sign with a big red slash through it telling me that of course I have no money?? My mind boggles at the thought of what she will display at any time I become celibate.

The thing is - its not the fact that she has taken it upon herself to remind me that I don't exactly have a permanent available man in my life - but rather the complete lack of information as to where the little guy in the overalls is to be FOUND. At the very least she could point me in the right direction. So if anybody knows or sees the guy above - tell him I'm looking for him.

'Kthx.