The Blog with the Binge Drinking

According to new research recently released here, the "powers-that-be" have determined that any person who drinks more than 4 drinks in one evening (or afternoon or morning) is in fact, binge drinking.

Now obviously the "powers-that-be" are not working mothers. Or stay at home mothers. Or "I'm not sure what I do with my day because I have lost my mind" mothers. Because every mother knows that 4 drinks is what you inhale in the first five minutes after happy hour commences. After those 4 drinks, which enable your brain to begin to function properly and the function of speech and clarity of thought return, well then you get down to some serious drinking.

Happy hour always began at my house at 5pm. It was a nice round number. A civilised drinking hour when one would pour a glass of wine - roll the wine around the glass and savour the bouquet - then chuck the wine down your throat as quickly as is humanly possible. Lately though I have noticed a phenomenon called "happy hour creep".

Happy hour creep occurs when mind and body decide it is 5pm but upon closer inspection of any time piece you discover that not only is it not 5pm - it's not even CLOSE! (inspection of every time piece in house at this point is a very very good option as one out of the 20 or so may in fact be incorrect)

In the past I have bowed to the judgement of the said time keepers and waited patiently for happy hour to roll around. However in more recent times I have been known to utter four letter words at the time keepers and proceed to ignore them. My problem is that by functioning according to my internal body clock my day may look something like this:

• 7am Fall out of Bed
• 9am Arrive at work having spent 60 minutes yelling at boy child to get out of bed and get dressed, 20 minutes yelling at Ms. Lynxy Mynxy to get out from under the bed and get her lazy butt outside and experience nature, 30 minutes in vehicle yelling at other drivers to get out of my way.
• 3pm Leave work after having spent 6 hours um..........working (that's my story and I'm sticking to it).
• 3.30pm Arrive home - open wine bottle.
• 6pm Snuggled in bed in wine induced haze - snoring ever so femininely.

Now to be honest I dont see anything wrong with the day above - except perhaps for the work bit. But as you can see - it means I have no time to do things like clean the house, or cook dinner or............ok so apart from the work bit its a perfect day.

I liken "happy hour creep" to the issues that surround our earth's orbit to not fit EXACTLY into 365 days. Every 4 years we must shove an extra day in somewhere to make it all work nicely.

So I propose this: "Leap Happy Hour"!

Every Friday afternoon at 4pm we get a EXTRA hour of drinking. A really HAPPY Happy Hour!!!!. This would definitely (please do not ask for the scientific proof - the scientists are all too busy determining what constitutes binge drinking) go a long way to addressing the issues of Happy Hour Creep and make me feel a WHOLE lot better in the process.

Must dash - Leap Happy Hour is just around the corner!

Cheers!!!