I'm torn. In three different ways. My emotions are letting me down and not leading me where I know my brain says I should go. My heart is leading. This is bad. I'm not sure when my heart got to be in charge of this ship and in fact who the hell put it in charge. There was mutiny in "Kathland" and nobody bothered to inform me?
My sensible brain type being has always had control. But alas, no more. My heart is pulling the strings like I was a 16 year old and common sense "be DAMNED!"
The trouble is I have a lot more to lose than a 16 year old. Will my heart recognise this? Will it make due recalculations based on the 39 year old body it is leading? Or will it, as I suspect, not bother with trival information such as age, mortage, mother of teenage boy etc etc and lead me where temptation is not only rife but where my being longs to be?
Somebody once said "youth is wasted on the young" - I now think maybe "youthfulness is wasted on the middleage" is more the point.
Why am I so scared?
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