The Blog with....a really urgent question....

I had a blog entry in my head. It was some twaddle about the little things in life which will ultimately get you. I should stop there. Today's trash blog is tomorrow's Blog treasure. However a question came to me. A question that probably I should have asked 10 years ago, 15 years ago, certainly 5 years ago when my marriage crashed and burned.

Can strong women make men less....manly????

Can strong women make men less....capable???

Ok that's two questions I know however both are within the same realm so tough.

Did I emasculate him so much that he was incapable of any adult, strong, manly action? Did I do that unconsciously therefore consciously having to step up and be the adult, capable person in the relationship???? Do strong women have to SCREAM that we TOO need support and help and loving in our relationships? Or do we have to totter around in 6 inch heels (OK I do this too - please I am after the sterotype) mubling incoherently about some mechanical contraption that failed us (the dishwasher) whilst pouting our.....lips (ok boobs can help here) and wait for some knight in shining armour???

I have NO clue whether this makes ANY sense or not - this is the first time that writing a blog my fingers have worked faster that my brain. This is not a well thought out, well paraphased piece of writing. This is really from the heart.

Was it my fault??

The Blog with too much contentment......

Is it possible to be too happy? Too content? Too, I can't remove my head from the freaking clouds even if I tried??

The last few months have seen things fall into place in my life in an almost alarming way. It feels TOO right. TOO easy. TOO un-fought for.

I am always suspicious of something that is un-fought for. Given I feel that anything worth having is worth putting in the effort for, I have I believe, fought and struggled for all that is good in my life.

Have I just lucked into a few things that are just going to fall into place for me? Is this the end result of the struggling up to this point? Or is it all going to come crashing down on my head in one last soul crushing act?

Time, I would assume, will tell. In the meantime - if you need me - I'm the one floating around the damn clouds with a grin plastered on my face from ear to ear.

The Blog with the Syncing....

Recently there was a discussion in the office regarding how to better keep track of people when they are out and about.

This then lead to a discussion of what we, as inhabitants of this fast moving and technologically changing World, use in our everyday lives.

I have a black leather bound filofax-esque diary that contains my whole life. This diary and I have been together now for approximately 10 years and it will need to be removed from the clutches of my cold, dead hands for me to ever give it up.

I did not share this information.

Our part-time Administrative Assistant then announced that she uses Microsoft Outlook calendar which she then syncs with her Google calendar and then uploads to her blackberry. She can then - at any given time and place - determine where she is, where she should be and where she is going in the future. Her husband can also log on (because she "shares" her calendar duh) to track the whereabouts and goings-on of his wife. He also "shares" his calendar so they both know exactly where each other is at any moment of the day.

Now please do not get me wrong, I am not saying for one moment that I think this woman is not important enough or busy enough to utililse this kind of technology......but..... I don't believe this woman is important enough or busy enough to utililse this kind of technology.

I will admit to dabbling with technology as a means of communication. I have been guilty in the past of using messenger to stay connected with Boy Child. Even in the same house. I like to think though that that is his mother being hip and happening and sharing the world as he knows it.

BUT.....do I need a technological gadget to tell me where I should be? or where I went? or where I need to be? More importantly though - and really the point of this Blog if it has one at all - are we SO busy, SO stressed, SO important that technology has taken the place of face to face verbal discussions with our loved ones? I know for one - that if any member of my family had to track me down using a calendar I had uploaded to who-bloody-knows-where, I would be ashamed.

Am I just getting old and resisting change???????????

The Blog with the temptation.....

Very very soon, in Kansas City, Missouri (not Kansas City, Kansas but Kansas City, MISSOURI) a person will board a big red flying kangaroo and wing his way to Oz. To see me. ME.

I believe, given this is his first ever trip to Australia, he may also be interested in seeing um mmmm Aussie stuff...however he is also coming to see ME.

This makes me feel very special.

On two recent trips to the States I have been lucky enough to have a wonderful, special group of people who have opened their homes and their lives to me, while providing me with memories and tears and laughter that will never fade. For the first time I get to reciprocate.

There will be penguins to see, koalas to cuddle, Sydney Harbour Bridges to climb (wtf was I thinking?) and beaches and coastlines to admire.

However I am struggling with a temptation.

Now temptation and I have a very strange relationship. Basically I cannot resist it. Ever.

Do I provide Mr. Kansas City Missouri with a slice of traditional Aussie life??? Should I leave him bake on a beach in 40 degree heat while obtaining 3rd degree burns? Do I insist on him trying a kangaroo steak and an emu kabab?*** Do I find a red back spider under a toilet seat somewhere and when his arse is bitten see how long it takes him to dial OOO??? Do I obtain one of our ten deadly snakes and let it loose in the back yard?? Do I make him eat a Vegemite sandwich???? Do I leave him outside at dusk to get eaten and bitten alive by mozzies and various other stinging biting insects????

Temptation, temptation, temptation.


*** I believe we are the only country with the distinction of eating both animals that appear on it's Coat of Arms. Nice huh??

The Blog with the funeral.....

My Auntie passed away. My Mum's sister. 3 days before Mum had surgery. The funeral was 2 days after Mum came home from hospital. That was yesterday. It was sad.

And that is really all I can say about it......

The Blog with the broken nose......

I am an adult.

A grown up.

I have a mortgage, bills to pay, a steady job, a cat and one 17 year old Boy Child. Dammit those things are signs of a grown up.

Recently however I was shockingly forced to realise that I didn't really FEEL like a grown up.

My mother had a fall. Now I understand the visions that come to mind when you put "76 year old woman" + "fall" into a sentence. Did she slip in the kitchen? Did she trip over the front step? Of course those would be NORMAL questions to ask. To which I would have to reply "no".

My Mum fell and slipped while running for a bus. Running.For.A.Bus.

Now I do admit to some jealousy here. I cannot run. I have not run for years. I am not sure my body remembers how to run. In any event she did actually get ON the damn bus AFTER she slipped, fell and started bleeding profusely.

My sister called me at work and given that we are both so very calm and controlled in a crisis - she called an ambulance in a panic and I broke land speed records driving to meet them. Mum had many tests over the next 24 hours with the prognosis of severe bruising and swelling and a broken nose in two places. We took her home.

Over the next week or so there were follow up doctors visits and finally surgery yesterday to repair and hopefully put her nose back where it was.

I became an adult. After 42 years of being looked after, and out for, by my Mum, it was my turn.

It's scary and it's confronting but it's time to step up.

The Blog with the new age self help crap......

Changes, changes, changes.

For good or bad, changes have been the continual constant in 2010. Some have been wonderful, some not so great, but the evolution of my life seems to continue with or without my consent.

I have yearned to put down in words some of the wonderful, but knew to stay true to my heart I would have to share the not so great. I realised of course that without the not so great (I refuse to label things "bad") the wonderful is not nearly as wonderful.

I have used 2010 to look inwards at the person I am. The traits that have brought me to this place in my life. It's been tough to admit things. It's been frightening to accept things. But I'm learning for the first time about ME and the rewards that has bought to my life so far has been overwhelming.

Never having been one for "new age self help" enlightenment I have gone about this thing called life like a bull in a china shop. Not really stopping to understand why or how or WHY. Asking myself a trillion times this year WHY I had that reaction to something, WHY I said the things I said, WHY I felt the way I did to occurrences, has helped me understand the type of person I am. It has also helped me to change the actions and reactions that I never much liked.

A work in progress...stay tuned.

The Blog with the bad start........

Ok so despite all my efforts to the contrary, 2010 and I did not get off to a great start.

After sweltering through a New Years Eve day, a storm decided to roll into town around 10pm. Mother Nature had not finished with 2009 and made her presence felt for around an hour. Just before midnight a gust of wind with my name of it came powering through and took with it a post supporting my carport. Running outside to find Hermoine Hyundai buried underneath wood and rubble and debris (slight over-exaggeration but whatever) I leaped into action as only a person can who had been sipping fruit o'the vine for the past 6 hours. I called the local emergency services team.

Within half an hour my house was swarming with men in glowing orange overalls who rescued Hermoine and did something or other with something or other to stabilise the carport.

Waking full of hope and optimism for the new year, it did not take long for the reality of the situation to sink in. The carport is hanging by a thread, which means I will need to deal with some kind of tradesman to fix the problem. This ranks up there for me with dealing with car salesmen and mechanics. I am rendered a complete moronic shell of a woman - generally handing over everything I own because they tell me I need to. Throw into the mix dealing with an insurance company to try and persuade them that in fact this SHOULD be covered by insurance. Hermoine had been left outside over night as it is not safe to leave her under there anymore. Checking her in daylight to see if any damage had been done and I am greeted with the fact that during the night she had been "egged". It was a mess.

After lovingly cleaning her and muttering a few choice words I returned inside to be greeted by the next adventure of my morning. A pipe in the bathroom had sprung a leak and water was everywhere. Trying to find a plumber on New Years Day is no mean feat. Actually it's just not possible. Towels have been wrapped around pipes with threats to Boy Child that we must go shower somewhere else. Hawaii is looking really good at the moment.

Sitting down for the first time in about 3 or 4 hours I was overwhelmed. The tears sprung forth and I just cried. In the almost 4 years that I have been doing this on my own this is the first time it had got to me. I realised there IS nobody else to help out, nobody else to lend a hand. I felt so very much alone.

Then I remembered my resolution - to be the BEST that I can be. The BEST that I can do. So in the coming days I will deal with plumbers and builders and insurance companies and I will do the BEST that I can do. Because.....

She'll be right mate...........