The Blog with the Guilt............

I have neglected my blogging. I am guilty of Blog Neglect. This in turn creates Blog Guilt. This gets added and tucked away with My space guilt, Email guilt, IM guilt, phone call guilt and last but not least "calling in to see friends for coffee" guilt (I shall refrain from mentioning non vacuuming of floors guilt, ring around bath guilt, boy child wearing underwear inside out and back to front because of non washing guilt and assorted housework related guilt).

I caught the tail end of a psychologist on telly the other day - as I happened to walk past the television which was entertaining ....um.....well nobody - I heard the words "blah blah blah guilt is the most noxious of emotions blah blah blah". Now obviously there was probably more to the sentence but my brain, as it has a habit of doing, only took in what it wanted to hear. It started me thinking.

I have lived with that noxious emotion for the last 3 years. Side by side, right up there with any happiness I had or joy or sadness, was that ever lurking shadow of guilt. The reasons the guilt was there really isn't a story for this Blog by suffice to say it overtook my life. My actions on a day to day basis were controlled by this emotion. I was held captive by it to the point it almost overtook my very existence.

I had reason recently to tell a friend "you must get rid of the guilt - it will kill you". I only realised then that it very nearly had done that to me.

Something has shifted for me over the last few weeks. No one event made this happen but rather a chain of things that set in place a reaction that I could feel was, whilst not removing it, containing it. Squishing it up into a little box - right there in my brain with all the rest - but CONTAINED. I can sort of make out what could possibly be that elusive light at the end of the tunnel. There is so much more work to be done for me to make it out the other end of that tunnel but I feel more confident than I have for a very very long time that I am capable of making that journey.

Each epic journey starts with but a single step right?

K