It's nearly the new year. It's nearly 2009. Time to look back on the year that just was and reflect on where it took us, what we learned, what we gained, what didn't work. Time to put those reflections to use in determining where we want to be, what we want.
More so for me is the approaching 40th anniversary of my presence on this earth. Where is my life headed, where do I want to be, what do I WANT. These and many other questions are unanswered. Signs along the way are pointing me in different directions and for once I am at a crossroads and my gut is not telling me which way to go. I have relied on gut feelings for 39.8 years now and all of a sudden it's very very quiet. I feel adrift at sea.
My gut feeling was always the umpire between what my heart wanted and what my head told me I needed. It always had the last and final say. Yet curiously now it is letting my heart and my head go to war. Is this good? Is this productive? NO it's not. I need an answer and I need it NOW.
I have been presented with things I want but know I cannot have. Do I take what I CAN have and be happy with that? Or do I hold off - possibly FOREVER - in the hope that I find something I WANT and can HAVE? Or am I being completely selfish?
Hmmmmp a new year brings more frustration with it than I think I can deal with. Perhaps I will just bury my head in the sand until 2010 - surely things will be fixed by then????
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